Took about as long as it took James Joyce to write Ulysses, but our new site is up. Go check it out. Let me know what you think.

Okay, you might say I’m getting carried away with this whole ukulele thing. But I think it’s a rich vein. Here at the headquarters, we’re always looking for shorthand ways of talking about personalities, styles, capabilities, aptitudes, and stuff like that. We talk about the quintessential/exceptional paradigm, in which greatness falls into one of two categories (Michael Jordan is quintessential, Dennis Rodman is exceptional). We have a whole alphabet soup of Meyers-Brigs and HBDI language (I am an INFP, quadrant B resistant, D-C…of course).

Well, I believe I have discovered a breakthrough in personality pidgin-holeing (pun intended). I call it the Jake/IZ continuum. The whole idea is that the extremes are represented by Jake, the totally awesome, rhythmically sophisticated, precise, accomplished virtuoso of the ukulele. IZ is the other extreme—the primitive, self taught, inventive, one-of-a-kind charismatic dynamo of the ukulele. With these as the ends of the rope, we can create a continuum. Zero is boring…right in the middle, not all that accomplished, not all that charismatic, but safe. A J10 would be extreme mastery and virtuosity (Mozart). A IZ10 would be an extreme innovator, driven by invention, spontaneity, and charisma (Jim Cary or Dexter Gordan, maybe).

As writers go, I would consider myself about a J8. I used to work with a savant named Terry Doyle, who talked in headlines. He would be like an IZ7 or IZ8—his stuff always worked, but he couldn’t really tell you why or reconcile it to the strategy.

The coolest thing about branding is getting to know people from other places and learning about their cultures. The other day I was on YouTube, watching and listening to IZ videos. If you’re from Hawaii, you know what that means. If not, search YouTube for “IZ,” and treat yourself to some practical Aloha. This gentle giant’s sweetness came out through his voice and his ukulele playng (oo-koo-ley-ley). I get emotional over music sometimes. And there I was with my headphones on, tears welling, listening to this 800 pound man sing “White Sandy Beach,” “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” “What a Wonderful World,” and “Hawaii ’78.” I even liked Pearl Jam’s version of “Hawaii 78.” Something I’m learning is that there is a lot more to Hawaii than meets the eye.

We had the opportunity to return to Hawaii last week. We gave a report to some very cool clients (I guess they’re products of their environment). We made a presentation in the morning to the marketing team. Then, we went up the elevator in the afternoon to present to the executive team. I think the findings were well received. So, we look forward to building the brand.

Spent Saturday with our friend Ken, who showed us around some parts of Hawaii most haoles don’t get to see. First, we went to the Honolulu Academy of Arts, where they have a once-in-a century show of antiquities from Bhutan. There were some fabulous textile pieces that were hundreds of years old, but looked better than some of my ties. And a few small statues were from as far back as the sixth century. Wow!

Over lunch, we got some more teaching about Hawaii culture. We learned that a lot of names are transliterated into the Hawaiian language, but because the language has a limited number of sounds the names have to be changed slightly. For example, Kenneth is “Keneke.” I was delighted to learn that in Hawaii, I am “Kimo.” Cool, huh!

Then, we headed to Pearl Harbor. Turns out, Ken is a retired Navy Captain, so he was able to take us backstage. We got pictures of the Missouri and the Arizona Memorial, but our favorite part of the visit was the Utah Memorial (we were the only ones there). We stood on the shore and Ken explained the brilliant Japanese strategy for Pearl Harbor—and how their failure to complete the mission allowed us to get back on our feet and eventually win the war in the Pacific. Good case study in strategy and execution, which I will surely use at some point.

Last stop of the day—a Shinto shrine right in the heart of Honolulu. Ken explained the role of Shinto and Buddhism in the traditions of Hawaii, especially among Asian Hawaii people. We appreciated his willingness to share these things with us.

Keneke is an incredible person, yet completely unassuming. It was an awesome day. Mahalo!

I always thought it would be easy to do the old Jackson Pollock paint drizzle thing. I always thought it was a clear case of an interesting, promotable guy creating a “style” that he could reproduce fast, in his sleep, and make a lot of money. Well, maybe that’s all true. But the paint drizzling thing is not as easy as one might think. And if you don’t believe me, try it.

My problem is knowing when to stop. Also, it’s hard do decide, on the fly, how much to use of a given color, or what color works well drizzled over what other color. Of course, unlike Pollock, we can just hit the refresh key and start over. Once he drizzled on a canvas, the die was cast.

Try it. Let me know what you think.

A month ago, the Obama campaign was trailing by about 20 in both Ohio and Texas. They said their strategy was to try to get close, and win their share of delegates. They did that. They did exactly what they said they wanted to do. When the dust settles from the Texas two-step, their delegate lead will have diminished by less than 10.

Here they are with a popular majority. A majority of states. A nearly insurmountable lead in pledged delegates. And the only surprise in the past month is the size of the margins in the states Obama won.

So why is NPR and other media spinning the Ohio/Texas primaries as this huge loss of momentum and direction for the Obama campaign? Spin just cracks me up.

Almost every brand comes with built-in assets and liabilities. For example, an ad agency in South Carolina has the built-in liability that people do not associate South Carolina with “hip,” “smart,” “sophisticated,” or much else you might associate with your concept of ad agencies. It’s external to us, so we have to acknowledge it and go with it. It would just be too costly to try to educate people to the contrary…especially since there’s a lot of truth in most folks’ perception of South Carolina.

One built-in asset some brands have, that you can’t buy with any amount of money, is a great story. I worked for a little while on a brand of tea that was served in Buckingham Palace. Now, if you’re into traditional English tea, you just can’t beat that for a story.

I remember when Banana Republic was actually built around war surplus warehouse buyouts. I actually got a Russian Air Force Officer’s overcoat at the one on on Walnut Street in Shadyside (Pittsburgh), back in the 1980s. Way to form fitting, and way to warm. But what a story!

We have some friends whose company was founded by some war heros…yeah, like Purple Heart winners. These were some serious guys. They were mostly from an under-served minority. They did planning sessions in a public park. They refused to fail. It’s a really cool story. You just can’t buy that kind of brand asset!

Well, I am now officially old. Closer to 101 than to 1. To celebrate, Anne and I went on a tour of restaurants we’d never been to. They were all very nice. But the most note-worthy had to be West First Wood-Fire Pizza in Hendersonville.

The place was started about a year ago by our friend, Scott, an artisan baker, once-and-future bee keeper, and all around interesting guy. It’s in an old warehouse looking building, all exposed brick. There is a metal staircase right in the middle as you come in the front door, leading up to a mezzanine. The stairs are decorated with Christmas twinkle lights.

Scott’s wife, a fine are jeweler, had done some incredible glass work. Stained glass on two of the windows. And some amazing translucent glass work on the brick oven chimney.

We had some salads, which were great. And we got some bread with dipping sauces—can’t go wrong getting bread from an artisan baker. And we had some very good, thin-crust, slightly crispy goat cheese pizza. Overall, we dug it and will go back. Maybe frequently (best laid plans of mice and men, ya know).

Oh, and we stopped for gas on the way out of town. Put nine gallons in the Prius. Got 60 mpg for most of the weekend, until it dropped off to the mid fifties when we went to Asheville on Sunday. It’s good being 50. It would be better being 20 and knowing what I know at 50. But it’s still good.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I have been a Pittsburgh Stillers fan since … well, for as long as I can remember. So it was painful to see anyone challenging the dynastic unchallengability of my 70s stillers.

It was very frustrating to watch the Cheaters get away with video-taping opponents signals—a practice that you just know they used against good teams (like the 2001 Stillers), if they used it against wet noodles like the NY not Yets. But I digress. It was maddening to see them run up the score on weaker teams—and be celebrated for it in the media. American’s stand up to bullies; we don’t hail them as heros. It was irritating to look at Bellicheat’s antisocial mug, and Brady’s skeevy grin on every sports and pop-culture rag at Barnes & Noble. And the constant “nobody will EVER beat this team…this is the best team to ever play the game of football…19-0…history in the making…blah, blah, BLAH!”

So I just have to say this. The 2007-2008 New England Patriots are NOT undefeated. They are NOT the winners of four Superbowls in a single decade. They are NOT the in the top ten greatest teams of all time. They are NOT ANYTHING SPECIAL. Their amoral, pretty-boy quarterback is black and blue…but he is NOT GOLDEN. And they will not, or should not, ever again be mentioned in the same conversation with the 1940s Cleveland Browns, the 1950s Baltimore Colts (the real Colts), the 1960s Greenbay Packers, the 1970s Pittsburgh Stillers, or the 1980s Bears or Forty Niners.

Not germane to any relevant topic here. But I just had to say it.

We’ve been looking at hybrids for quite a while. We knew our ancient cars would eventually wear out, and we knew we wanted to replace them with something more fuel efficient and something that would be a better environmental stewardship testimony. I think a lot of people have those two motives (in some combination) for going hybrid: save money, be responsible.

Our pal, Zufall, was more about saving money (I think). He talked a lot about wanting a hybrid car that got really good mileage, but “looked” like a normal car. He was not interested in making a statement. He ended up with a Honda Civic, and at last report, he was delighted.

Our friends Owen and Beth got their first Prius a while back—they are more the “statement” types—and they are delighted with the fuel efficiency, comfort, performance (such as it is), and styling—styling that screams, “intelligent, hip, environmentally responsible.”

Anne and I are not normally big on statements. In fact, I have drove a 1992 Saturn from 1994 until yesterday, when I inherited Anne’s 2001 Isuzu Rodeo. I’ve studied this a little bit. The best thing you can do for the environment (car-wise) is to have a walking or cycling lifestyle. Barring that, the best thing you can do is avoid forcing somebody to build a new car. About half the carbon footprint of any car is in the manufacturing. So, if you already have a functional car, keep driving it.

Anyhow, as we started looking for a new vehicle for our road trips and for Anne’s commute, we decided to look for a Prius. Not that we wanted to make a statement, but Toyota had the guts to step up to the plate with this technology, while it appeared Detroit was trying to deep-six it. And, they have the best hybrid on the mass market (not all hybrid is created equal) for fuel efficiency and emissions. We thought they should be rewarded for their innovation and guts—and we thought we should be rewarded in the form of lower fuel bills.

We were not actively searching, but the Lord works in His own ways, you know. Our pal Seth does some consultation with Landrover of Greenville. So, he had the inside track, when somebody traded in a 2006 Prius. We got the heads-up, and there we go. The only problem is that you can get fixated on the little display screen and forget to watch the road. Other than that, it’s awesome.

Now, we’re looking for somebody who needs a 1992 Saturn SL2. Somebody who thinks its cool to drive a 16-year-old car. Somebody who will drive the wheels off of it, then recycle the parts. Any thoughts?